Behind Bars Instead of in Bars? Judge Issues Warrant for Lohan

Los Angeles – A judge whose patience was pushed to the brink today, issued an arrest warrant for 23-year old sometime actress Lindsay Lohan after she failed to appear for a mandatory hearing regarding her alcohol awareness education.   The judge revoked her probation and bail was set at $100,000, which is a shit-load of ugly-ass lyrca leggings to sell, and sources say she could be arrested even as she stumbles off her airplane at LAX.

Lohan, perhaps foolishly, chose to attend the Cannes Film Festival in France instead of staying in L.A. this week.  She alleges, despite having a hotel safe, it was too hard for her to keep track of her passport while she was examining Amanda Seyfried’s boyfriend Dominic Cooper’s tonsils and/or genital warts with her tongue.  She later claimed it was stolen and developed a conspiracy theory involving her father, criminal mastermind Michael Lohan, and alleged that he hired someone* to swipe her documentation.

This latest excuse drama concocted by Lohan seems much less believable than her excuse earlier in the week of not being able to fly due to volcanic ash, and now, as a result, she just seems like a VOLCANIC ASS.


*Does anyone know Dr. Drew's whereabouts this week?!?