Brad’s Beard No Longer the Pitts!

The Earth briefly stopped spinning on its axis today when the news broke that actor Brad Pitt had trimmed his beard.  Yes, scientists have confirmed that just for a brief moment, our planet came to a screeching halt, just as it should.  A brief moment only.  Not to be confused with the length of time the Earth would stop spinning if news were to break that Angelina Jolie got another tattoo.  Get it straight.

The actor, who let the world think he’d been preparing for the title role in “Billy Goat Gruff” for the last year (but was probably just stoned), finally found a pair of scissors in his shaving kit last weekend.  Yes, he used scissors just like other humans do, so the answer to everyone's question is NO his beard did NOT do a “Benjamin Button.”