McDonald's Cancels Recall

The week started out badly for the fast food giant. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission ordered the House of Ronald to recall some 12 million promotional glasses because the image of Shrek painted on them contained cadmium, a known poison. The CPSC noted in its recall notice that "long-term exposure to cadmium can cause adverse health effects." Naturally, the Chinese government immediately executed the manager of the Shrek-On-The-Side-of-McDonald's-Glasses-Painting-Plant, who, before he died, was reported to have said, simply, "I velly solly."

The week got better by Thursday, when McDonald's lawyers successfully sued in California District court to have the CPSC's ruling overturned. We caught up with Shifty McLiar, the lead lawyer for the company, as he was leaving the courthouse. "It was an easy case to win," the notable prevaricator said, continuing, "I pointed out that while long-term exposure to cadmium can cause health problems, short-term exposure to McDonald's greasy, salty, carby foods causes immediate health problems. So if you're a McDonald's customer, cadmium is really the least of your problems." In the wake of the ruling, the CPSC issued a new recall, telling consumers it's ok to keep the glasses, as long as they throw away the food.