L is for Liza

As if old ladies didn’t scare me enough as it is (I’m always afraid if I look at them cross-eyed they’ll fall and break a hip), here we have Liza Minelli shilling her new clothing line on HSN.

If you’re not a fan of the surreal, I’ll sum it up for you.  The line she sells can be considered “purty.”  All you have to do is throw it on and sit correctly – with one leg casually draped across the other, almost slinking.  In that case, these outfits would not be appropriate for Miley Cyrus.  If you fall and break a knee WHILE NAKED (I guess that’s what she meant) you can easily slip on the elastic pants before going to the emergency room to look elegant in crushed velour for the attending surgeon (who will cut your pants right back off).   The clothing comes with her signature long scarves (to cover Adam’s apples) which she instructs on how to drape in a devil may care fashion so you could end up getting it caught in machinery and choke to death just like Isadora Duncan. She likes to work with clay and I guess she graduated to metal clay and now designs the jewelry (right).  She also mumbled something about recording an album while lying down.

The callers add to the fun.  One asked, “Liza, is there anything you can’t do?” (Marry a straight guy for one.)  Another one said, “Liza, you've come through such diversity…blah, blah, blah.”  Something about her being a survivor but I think the word the caller was looking for was “adversity.”  Unless the caller was referring to Liza's father being gay and marrying her straight mother.

If you thought she was freaky in SATC2, take a look-see.  Artificial knees sold separately.