Leak Site Vexes Losers

The Obama administration is not happy. 90,000+ documents about the Afghan war, mostly e-mail and other communications delineating how the war is not going as well as the administration has been saying surfaced this week on Wikileaks.org, the famous whistleblower site which promises anonymity to contributors in return for publishing their leaks. Consider the following exchange between Army Colonel Bart Dartington, commander of allied troops in Kandahar province, and alleged Taliban connection Haddad Hamad, over when and where Hamad was going to arrange a meeting with Sheikh Tali Ibn Aban, a local warlord. The following exchange took place over several days in e-mail:



From: Dartington

To: Hamad

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting



Hey Haddy, I thought we had this worked out > Tali was going to meet us at the Taco Trio stand right outside the Gr. Zone at 5 tonite - what's up, have the plans changed again?!?!?! - BD



From: Hamad

To: Dartington

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting



Greetings O My Friend, alas, Tali had tacos last night, he's asking if there's any good Italian in the area. Salam, HH



From: Dartington

To: Hamad

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting



Well, there used to be an Olive Garden in the north quadrant until a Suicide Bomber blew the place. How about the Spaghetti Hut?



From: Hamad

To: Dartington

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting

Greetings O My Friend, alas, the Spaghetti Hut is in the Shia sector and it is thus an abomination for me to set foot in it. I will check in with our friend to see if he knows a place.



From: Hamad

To: Dartington

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting

Greetings O My Friend, alas, the Spaghetti Hut is the only unburnt Italian in the city, he suggests we go out into the country, where there are more choices.



From: Dartington

To: Hamad

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting

Look, that place is crawling with Fundies, can't we go to the American Cafe in the Green Zone?  I think he can get an Italian sub there.



From: Hamad

To: Dartington

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting



Greetings O My Friend, he says that would be alright, but wants to know if they accept camel dung as a form of payment.



From: Dartington

To: Hamad

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting

Are you [redacted] kidding me?  Look, I'll buy the dinner, he doesn't have to worry about it, he just has to be there.



From: Hamad

To: Dartingtron

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Scheduling Dinner Meeting



It's all arranged, but look, we're going to have to move the date, I just remembered Tuesday is my goat's birthday.

[exchange continues like this for several more e-mails. Eventually, Hamad admits that Ibn Aban is actually dead and that he now will seek out another contact. Dartington's final reply is completely redacted due to content]