Author Realizes Work Sucks, Calls it Quits

Cathy Guisewhite, author of the unfunny comic strip Cathy, has finally, after 30 years, come to the same conclusion comic strip readers came to 29 years and 364 days ago: her strip sucks. "It was an agonizing decision" she commented, "especially as the fan letters I've been writing myself over the decades really have been keeping me busy after I spend the first 30 seconds of my day drawing the strip." Her namesake character, who has a lousy job and an even lousier boyfriend, hasn't been relevant since the first droplet of ink hit the first sheet of paper. "I realized that given that we are in a great recession and many people are out of work, that having a character who bitches about her great-paying job was probably out of touch with mainstream America, especially since most people now use their comics page as a blanket to keep warm during the cold winter months sleeping on a park bench rather than to actually read the comics." In a related story, Sally Forth is said to be in negotiations to be let out of her contract.