Republicans Fail to Burn NPR’s Powdermilk Biscuits

Washington, DC - The Republican campaign to strip National Public Radio of their whole “public” angle by removing federal funding has been defeated today.  For the time being. 

The proposal, the first from the GOP’s carefully branded “YouCut” website (“You,” as in you who are wealthy enough to afford computers,  not you homeless people who log on at the library who don’t even have radios either), was sponsored by Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO) and would have terminated all taxpayer funding for NPR, supposedly saving tens of millions of dollars the GOP could give back to the rich if their Bush tax cut extensions were defeated.

Democrats put the kibosh on the GOP’s latest publicity grab, voting 239-171 to close debate on NPR and move on without voting on the proposal all in an effort to get to the airport for the holidays sooner rather than later to have their genitals groped by security.

In order to make a case for stripping NPR’s federal funding and to stand up for shamed former commentator Juan Williams, House Minority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) stood up on the House floor and said, “Juan Williams has eaten plenty of crow over his remarks about being scared of people dressed like Mohammeds in the airports that we told Americans to be scared of, but we wanted to ensure with the defeat of NPR that at least he’d never have to eat that Turducken they won't stop reporting on again.”

Williams has since moved on to Fox to become a commentator after his dismissal from NPR, where in the future, he will only need to eat whatever line of bullshit propaganda his management team feeds him.

It will be interesting to see what other federally funded items conservative voters log on to defeat on the “YouCut” website in the future.  However, it’s safe to say that they won’t be voting to cut Bristol Palin from Dancing with the Stars.