Rocker Bon Jovi Gets Presidential Appointment

Washington, DC – Jon Bon Jovi is headed down the Jersey Turnpike to the White House, as President Obama signed an executive order yesterday to create the White House Council for Community Solutions.  In addition to Bon Jovi, the 25 member panel will also include Starbucks executive vice president Paula Boggs and eBay president and CEO John Donahue, among other rich people assembled to care about the poor.

A rock star, Jon Bon Jovi, gets a presidential appointment?  How the heck did that happen?

According to one White House insider, “it wasn’t about his musical talent, believe me.  In fact, his song about New Jersey, ‘Who Says You Can’t Go Home,’ almost single handedly restored and destroyed tourism in the state because it prompted MTV to film their reality show 'Jersey Shore.'  He was chosen due to his focus on fighting poverty and homelessness through his Jon Bon Jovi Foundation, and also because we could never get that guy who played Kumar to share any of his stash with us after he arrived in DC, and you can pretty much only get coke around here.  So, we thought if the town became invaded by rock stars, we'd have a better chance to cop some weed without passing any rational legislation to legalize it to save the U.S. economy.  Hell, if the economy was saved, we’d all be singing about going home.”