The controversial cult, uh, excuse us, “church” is known for anti-gay protests celebrating soldiers' deaths at funerals as well as protests that make even less sense – like their willingness to loudly stink up and dumb down Elizabeth Edwards’ funeral with their mentally unhinged presence. And now, the group’s leader, Fred Phelps, is insisting that God sent the shooter to Tucson, Arizona last weekend to break our country’s heart and make its progress of the last two years go in reverse.
The Almighty stated, “I have to be honest, I had no idea who these crackpots were before Jesus started following them on Twitter just for kicks, but their activities have become totally insane. I haven’t been a vengeful God since back in Biblical times. I've matured, you know? But I’m hurting for followers these days as it is. Do you think I would really want to lose any of my flock by associating with these ignorant hicks? From what I hear, Satan doesn’t even want these people in Hell, so I suppose that I’m going to inevitably have to find a way to forgive them. Usually, forgiveness is not too difficult for me, even second nature, but these Westboro people will present a serious challenge indeed.”
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