Michele Bachmann Still Trying to Get Slavery Right

Washington, DC – Representative Michele Bachmann was very quick to sign a “marriage vow” document presented by a controversial church group last week and may have gotten herself into hot water again over her revisionist history of slavery.

The contract for Jesus’ chosen ones (but only Americans), drafted by The FAMiLY Leader, stated:

“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African- American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President.”

In addition to extolling the virtues of slavery, the document also called for ban on pornography and both Bachmann and former Senator and GOP candidate Rick Santorum signed it after allegedly reading it.

The public outcry over the language of the contract has been quite loud and now Bachmann’s people are trying to do damage control.

A pal of the Minnesota congresswoman told Unsolicited Drivel, “Well, I can’t speak for Rick Santorum, but I would assume he signed it because of all of the gay-hating-hater language they included.  But I think I know Michele well enough to hazard a guess as to what her train of thought was when she signed it. I’m sure she believes that the slavery our founding fathers fought against was horrible and all, but she’s so focused on the challenges of our foster children today in 2011. That being said, it probably crossed Michele’s mind that back when they were slaves, they got lots of handouts like free liniment for wounds after whipping, free brooms to jump over to pretend they had the right to marry and free table scraps when their master’s hunting dog was full. There’s no free lunch in America these days, that’s for sure.”