Murdoch Even Hacked Jesus’ Phone!

London - As investors abandoned News Corp. in droves yesterday and former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown leveled phone hacking allegations at evil media overlord Rupert Murdoch, we have learned exclusively that the scandal has even reached as far as Heaven.

Taking time away from accepting bribes from News Corp. hackers, Scotland Yard has now revealed that in addition to spying on future British kings, Murdoch had also hacked the phone of the King of Kings – Jesus Christ.

Unsolicited Drivel reached out to the savoir for comment about the Murdoch allegations and he told us, “I am sorry to say it was true. I’m told Mr. Murdoch was trying to ‘get dirt’ on my views about the sex scandals in the Catholic Church and in particular, in Ireland. Also his American division, Fox News, was trying to connect me to the Westboro Baptist Church. Good luck with that, BTW! So, that answers your other question about the scandal stretching across the pond. I’m mean really, what are the odds he’s not up to the same shenanigans everywhere? You don’t have to be omniscient to figure that out. Anyway, I’m surprised Murdoch’s surveillance of my phone conversations went on for as long as they did. You would think when he overheard me talking about what dad’s going to do with him once he gets to see him, he would have pulled the plug on that operation!”