Someplace Folksy (Maybe NH?) – GOP hopeful Mitt Romney came out today (not literally…and not Santorumly) and gave a public endorsement of masturbation as a result of former Tea Party darling Christine O’Donnell’s endorsement of his candidacy for the Republican nomination last night.
O’Donnell is the notorious non-masturbator, campaign finance personal user, teenage witch and alleged college graduate who most famously crashed and burned her campaign for Delaware Senate last year faster than half-term Alaska Governor Sarah Palin can swim upstream like a spawning salmon for an opportunity to land on grift –for-dollars gig to screech at half-wits while sucking on a bendy straw and wearing $2,000 shoes all while under a secret financial contract that Dick Cheney could not use his diabolical skills of evil to even unveil.
A spokesperson for the Romney campaign confirmed, “We’ve been looking for a way for Mitt to stand-out, heads above the crowd for sometime now, and the endorsement of Christine gave us the perfect angle. The whole changing his personality like the wind, wiping out his political existence as if he ever governed Massachusetts depending on which computer tech cleaned the hard drive that day thing if we decided he did or didn't actually govern that week angle wasn't working anyway. That being said, Mitt will no longer be using with a podium during the future 11,000 debates. Besides, they say America always elects the tall guy who stands tall, right?!?”
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