Sunday, April 1, 2012

Mitt Romney to Announce Irish Setter as VP Pick

Madison, WI – Presumed GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney is in town this week for the Wisconsin primary on Tuesday and it’s expected that he’s going to make a bold announcement – the choice of his Vice Presidential pick.

Unsolicited Drivel has learned that the billionaire former governor has no plans to rest on his piles of cash through the rest of the primaries on the road to the Republican National Convention, but instead will announce an Irish Setter will be his running mate this week to stir up an unprecedented amount of public support for an out of touch rich dude.

 A spokesperson for the Romney campaign told us, “As you are aware, throughout the campaign there have been horrible allegations that Mitt allegedly strapped his pet Irish Setter, Seamus, to the roof of his car on a trip to Canada. I can assure you that’s merely hearsay. Americans really love their pets, and as most Americans can no longer afford to have children, the popularity of the household pet is rising even more. We have adopted Sean Fitzgerald Romney, whom I can assure you did NOT come from a puppy mill, to soften up Mitt’s image and gain what we believe will be a huge amount of votes. Sean already has his own suite – inside the bus – and the Secret Service has stepped up to protect him. And Americans need not worry about anything happening to Mitt should he become president and Sean having to actually step his paws into Mitt’s shoes to run the country. Irish Setters may not be the most intelligent breed, but they are at least as intelligent as Sarah Palin. And they have their shit together. But everyone knows that Mitt’s really a cyborg, so we can just have him easily repaired.”

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