Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Gwyneth Paltrow Shocked by “Most Beautiful” Magazine Cover

New York – Colon-obsessed starlet Gwyneth Paltrow claims she is completely shocked to be named as the cover girl for this year’s People Magazine’s ‘Most Beautiful’ issue.

The spawn of much more talented parents told Unsolicited Drivel, “When I first read about it, I thought it was a joke. Or maybe I had developed dyslexia. But I think only Scientologists get that disorder because Tom Cruise is a sufferer. I mean it’s not like I am an Eva Mendes, Jennifer Lawrence or Megan Fox. At home I wear no make-up and jeans.  Of course, my jeans cost $4,000 and I am just sitting back on my penthouse terrace while I’m enjoying my latest diet I made up.  This time it’s macrobiotic lychee nut essence.  It’s a very iconic cover and I’m honored. Particularly since I think my assistant's assistant's assistant told me recently that it might be possible that some people don’t like me.  Can the fine editorial staff at People Magazine just tell how beautiful I am on the inside? No.  That could not be possible.  Then the honor must have been bestowed on me because I grabbed some guy’s nuts live on The Graham Norton Show.

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