Sunday, April 7, 2013

Mad Men Season Six Predictions

Control me, bitches!
Madison Ave., NYC - The wait is over!  AMC's Mad Men returns tonight!

Having recently spent a weekend with my Aunt who was a NYC career girl during the era the show takes place, it seems more like a documentary to me now.  Anyhow...since someone told me I should write for the show the other day, here are my predictions:

Don Draper will be unfaithful to Megan with the woman in the bar who said at the end of season five "are you alone?" Megan will never find out because due to her poor track record in finding acting jobs, she will secretly become one of Andy Warhol's "Factory Girls" as that is the only way she will have a successful movie career... even if it's in underground cinema.  She will almost O.D. with Edie Sedgewick one night and get hit on by Lou Reed and decide the Factory life is not for her.  Megan will return to dancing around the penthouse in a French maid's costume doing what she does best; singing "Zoobie Zoobie Zoo" while Don scowls at her over a glass of bourbon.

Sally Draper, now addicted to go-go boots, decides she want to be the next Twiggy.  She starts to eat mostly air for sustenance and models for Seventeen Magazine behind her father's back and without his consent.  Roger Sterling notices Sally's picture on a cover on a newsstand and casually asks her for a hand job at the Clio Awards.  Sally stabs him with a shrimp fork and Sterling backs off.  The other two Draper children, Bobby and Eugene, will continue to function as mute wallpaper unless Wild Wild West is on the TV.

Betty Francis will drive Henry to an early grave via her ice queen routine and he will die of a massive heart attack, never fulfilling his political aspirations.  Henry's hefty mother will smother Betty to death for revenge by sitting on her head she's covered with a needlepoint pillow she hand-stitched herself.

Joan Harris will become CFO of Sterling Cooper Draper Dead Guy after Lane's suicide.  Her soon to be ex-husband will be killed in Vietnam when a cranky wounded veteran sticks a hypodermic needle in his jugular vein.  Joan will get the veteran's benefits.

Bert Cooper will get over his phobia of never wearing shoes inside after being mailed a pair of sustainable bamboo flip flops from a former Geisha girl he was tight with during WWII.

Harry Crane will grow very big side burns. That's about it.

Michael Ginsberg will take over as head writer after Peggy Olson leaves.  That is UNTIL Roger Sterling starts doing LSD again and demands to be head writer to see how the little people live.

Dickface art director, Freddie Rumson, and Ken Cosgrove will be about the same.

Trudy Campbell will leave Pete and embark on a lesbian affair with Roger's ex-wife Jane.

Paul Kinsey will leave the Hare Krishnas for the Manson Family.

Peggy Olson and Don Draper will continue their friendship with a little role reversal and Peggy will become Don's mentor.  Pete Campbell will be jealous of this relationship and try and spark up a sexual relationship with Peggy again.  Peggy will take Pete to the Village to see an open mike poetry reading.  Pete will be killed in a freak accident when a beatnik throws his microphone at his head.

The End.

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