Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Russell Brand Demands Kardashian 4-Way; America Throws Up in Own Mouth

Los Angeles – Comedian and alleged actor Russell Brand made the entire country throw up in it’s own mouth last evening by fantasizing out loud about having a four-way with the Kardashian sisters.

Appearing on the talk show Chelsea Lately (as the only guest host Chelsea Handler probably would not want to bang) he made his admiration obvious to the attention whore sisters.

Unsolicited Drivel
contacted Brand for comment about his fantasy date.

“Firstly, Russell, uh, it’s nice to meet you. I guess. Did you ever notice that you have played the role of ‘Aldous Snow’ at least four times even though the character’s name had been changed in different movies?”

R.B: “Blimey!  I never noticed that Drivel Lady! But I have ADD you know love!”

“Well, you might want to have a little discussion with your agent about that or stay off the movie screen for a good while so people forget.  Anyway, why the Kardashian sisters?”

“Well, those lassies seem game for anything.  They've even sniffed their bloomers on TV!  I don’t know what Armenian coochies smell like and I’d like out for meself.  I imagine, Ishkhan, Sig; some kind of lake trout like they have in their homeland? I dunno! My ex-ball and chain’s mum, Katy Perry’s, would never approve of such an orgy as she’s very religious.  I bet the Kardashian’s mum Kris would even shoot the sex tape!”

U.D.: “You do realize you will still be playing ‘Aldous Snow’ in the sex tape, right?”

RB: “I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead love. Better up me Adderall.”

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