While many of us expect high priced roses from nations governed by drug cartels or even conflict diamonds for Valentine’s Day, busy schedules (this year due to apocalyptic snowstorms) give us incentive to make time for last minute gift-giving creativity! Even if we can’t make time for romance, it’s suggested we still make time for a gift… and we may be forced to make it ourselves because nobody plowed the lot at the Walgreen’s. Here are some of the items you may or may not need for a home crafted Valentine's gift:
- Hot glue gun
- Peel ‘n’ stick cupidy tattoos
- Calligraphy body paint
- Gorilla Glue for simian sweethearts
- Martini glass filled with Red Hots
- New chocolate flavored "Hot Pockets"
Instructions: Take hot glue gun and preheat to adhere tattoos to your unsuspecting flesh. Use calligraphy paint to emblazon the words “Eye Candy” across your chest. Give pet monkey a nice swig of Gorilla glue to stop him from whining already. Wrap martini glass with feather boa borrowed from pet monkey, and put a pomegranate scented votive candle in it between the Red Hots to create decorative fire hazard for if your love really comes to visit. When they don't show up, heat chocolate Hot Pocket and slip under the windshield wiper of your unrequited loved one's car with romantic note and a picture of you posing with your pet monkey. Watch plainclothes admirers beat a path to your door.
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