Cannes You Believe It? It’s That Time of Year Again!

South of France - Le festivale de la celluloid pretension et ici!  The 63rd annual Cannes film festival kicks off tonight with 12 days of potential Brangelina sightings, but more likely fans will have to settle for French national treasure/dirigible: Gerard Depardieu, as neither of the Jolie-Pitts has a picture to promote. And of course, the festival also includes the best in international cinema.

But before the coveted Palme d'Or is awarded to the director of the best feature film, the film unlikely to win as it will be a Hollywood blockbuster will premiere – Ridley Scott’s “Robin Hood: Prince of Paunch” starring Russell Crowe.  “Robin Hood” opens in the U.S. this weekend on May 14th and features the story of Robin Longstride before he became notorious for throwing cups of Meade at peoples’ heads in fits of rage.  Or, maybe it was that stealing thing?

Also in the American thrown together for quick cash at the box office category is Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street: Money Still Rules As Long As We Can Find Investors That Are Complete Fools,” starring Michael Douglas’ botox-free face flapping in the Manhattan breeze at Shia LaBoeuf. 

At the other end of the split personality of the festival, more cerebral, independent features will be shown.  Some films that are in serious contention include:

"The Housemaid” – A mysterious woman, escaping a war-torn Eastern block nation, takes a job to work as a housekeeper at the home of a conservative barrister in Great Britain, and of course, turns out to be not who she appears to be. Played by Juliette Binoche, despite there being plenty of Slavic actresses out of work, the story is told entirely through mind-numbingly confusing flashbacks, some reenacted with shadow puppets.

"Des Hommes et des Dieux" ("Of God and Men") – A period drama about Cistercian monks who stand up for their beliefs when confronted by fundamentalist critics who take issue with their centuries old, top secret beer brewing techniques and their sourdough pretzels they traditionally bake in the shape of a crucifixes.

“Another Year” – The entry by popular British director, Mike Leigh, is a story of vaguely dissatisfied middle aged British people regretting their past life decisions and having kept HUGE secrets from their families that may or may not entirely destroy them if they find out about them, merely by chance, and dependent upon how plucky they are.

And tres beaucoup more films to fill the void for enough red carpet celebrity pictures to be recycled to last until the Emmys this fall!