Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

Lost Angeles - Time is running out on Jesse James’ marriage to Sandra Bullock, as pals warn the intensely private actress could quietly be drafting divorce papers even as we report this.  As more and more mistresses come forward in the hope having enough tattooed torsos (and twats) to put together a 2011 calendar for Jesse’s motorcycle company, many people believe Jesse’s window of time for reconciliation with America’s Sweetheart has already closed.  In fact, it is commonly believed that the following scenarios are much more likely to occur to the philandering gear head:

Being held up in airport security when bomb-sniffing canine seems to get his nose stuck in mistress’ crotch.  23%

Receiving a friend request from Tiger Woods on Facebook.  18%

Signing a DVD series deal with Joe Francis for “West Coast Choppers Girls Gone Wild.”   17%

Having Magilla Gorilla approach him and demand first dibs on sloppy seconds.  7%

Being served a subpoena from Gloria Allred under the guise of a lap dance.  35%

Previously published.  We will return live on 7/19.

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