Santa Miffed by This Year’s Gift Requests

North Pole – Ho, no! Gone are the days of Candy Land and Parcheesi along with their innocence. An increasingly grumpy Santa complained at his Overachievers Anonymous group meeting this morning that he wasn’t sure how he was going to fill this year’s toy requests in good conscience, but said that he would still be willing to do it without dignity as he gave that up the first day he put on that goofy red suit.

Reading from his list and trying to remain jolly, Santa filled his captive audience in on requests so far this Christmas.  Those who were lucky enough to loot a Playstation 3 and were fans of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas also longed for: Super Rapio Brothers, Final, Final Fantasy: The Snuff Files, Rock Band 3: Choke On Your Own Vomit Edition, and perennial favorite, Star Whores. Kids who’d decided they were too cool for the nearly non-existent Lalaloopsy "Sew magical -- Sew cute" doll sought the new Serial Killer Victim Barbie (head sold separately). The future little scientists asked for: My First Meth Lab.  New Lego construction kits for the next structural engineer or terrorist included: Baghdad Car-bomb checkpoint (including bonus innocent civilian arms and legs), and Build Your Own Body Armor (free empty Spam cans included). For the more cerebral tykes Santa was under the impression they’d maybe settle for some of the brand new board games like: GOP Congress (all pieces are the same, so if you lose one it won’t matter), and Wall Street: Golden Parachutes and Escape Ladders (noose sold separately).