Lindsay Olives Already Dreading Future Possible Lawsuit Against Lohan

Lafayette, CA – An insider at Lindsay Olives indicated this morning that the company fears for its reputation as a wholesome, family product after the announcement this weekend that troubled actress Lindsay Lohan is dropping her last name.

The worker, who only spoke to Unsolicited Drivel under the condition of anonymity, told us, “Olives took a bad rap for many years when people didn’t realize that they were a ‘healthy fat.’  We have really been gaining ground with increased sales between olive oil now being touted as heart healthy and martinis making a resurgence thanks to shows like ‘Mad Men’ - and now this possible setback arises with Lindsay dropping the ‘Lohan!’ It doesn’t even make sense that she believes she deserves the same kind of one-name-recognition as hardworking celebrities like Cher, or Madonna or Prince, and it’s obvious she’s just doing this to spite her fame-whore sperm donor of a father, as it would require divine intervention to save her career at this point. And speaking of interventions, if her next one comes after her doing something to make a dirty martini ‘extra dirty’ and it involves our olives but not the olive juice, she’ll have a defamation suit on her hands so fast that ‘Momager’ of hers, Dina, will inhale her coke spoon.”