Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Friends to Stage Election “Intervention” For Newt Gingrich

Somewhere in Virginia – Friends of GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich expressed concern this week that he has yet to drop out of the 2012 race after trailing a distant third place for basically what now feels like forever.

A pal of the former Speaker of the House told Unsolicited Drivel, “We’re going to have to step in and do something.  I know for a fact that the media is tired of interviewing him.  I heard that one of the political pundits, let’s just say his name rhymes with Schmavid Schmegory, told his producer that he’d rather gnaw his own arm off than have Newt on his show one more time.  I can understand that.  I mean I feel that way when Newt’s across the table at a dinner party sometimes when he starts trying to justify why he usually leaves his wives.  But now we’re starting to wonder if he’s just plain nuts, as he still doesn’t seem to realize his campaign stinks of failure so badly, it could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.  So we plan to get together and encourage him to drop out of the race as it seems most Americans would rather vote for a haircut or a sweater vest and Newt’s only a philandering shyster. Philanders can get to the White House easily, but not shysters.  On second thought, maybe if we got Newt one of those Mr. Rodgers type cardigan sweaters it might, revitalize his campaign?  Nah.  Time for Newt to have a ‘come to Jesus’ talk instead of his just constantly talking about his supposed relationship with Him.”

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