Monday, October 15, 2012

One American States: Koch Brothers Should Switch to Selling Cocaine

Not the REAL Kochs, but how we assume they look...
Washington, DC - One American insisted recently that the Koch brothers, Charles and David, who typically sell products to wipe your ass (toilet paper), would probably do the nation more good by selling something that matched the pronunciation of their name - coke - (aka) cocaine.

An associate of theirs that works at the Libertarian affiliated Cato Institute told Unsolicited Drivel, "Hey, if we had any idea that the Tea Party would end up to be filled with a bunch of lard-ass, assassins of the English language AND Michele Bachmann, I'm pretty sure Chuck and Dave would have thought twice about being the chief financial backers.  They can spell and even string sentences together despite being just professional inheritors.  In fact,  now they have decided to just stick to voter intimidation at their paper plants (even if everyone can't speak English), and the various other b'jillion industries they still own which enable them to try to brainwash the American public at will.  Funny story…I'm only working at the Cato Institute because I was busted for doing coke and couldn't become a lawyer!  Four years of snorting blow through college because I'm not cool in real life down the drain.  Plus, I still have to hang out with cement heads everyday…which is EXACTLY like having a coke hangover.  All things considered, I wish the Koch brothers would actually switch to selling coke. How great would that branding be, baby?!?  They could still sell plenty of tissues from their paper plants and everyone in the Tea Party might seem more intellectual.  Except for Bachmann, of course."

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