Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Cher to Chris Hayes: Baby, I'm Yours!

Will you be mine?
Malibu, CA - According to an inside source (BFF Kathy Griffin...allegedly), original pop diva and night-long Tweeter, Cher, is truly, madly sweet on one of the most mentally-stable-seeming cable TV news hosts - MSNBC's Chris Hayes.

The source told one of the national tabloids (that usually doesn't just make shit up), "Between Vegas shows, constantly saying, 'I'm Cher, bitch I don't (insert menial task here) ',  spending all night on Twitter ranting about the GOP, she spends a lot of time telling me how much she would like really like to do Chris Hayes.  She lost her taste for rock stars years ago and is no longer interested in bagel bakers.  In fact, Cher's never even eaten a carb.  But oh, if only Chris wasn't married!  She feels she could make him BELIEVE in love with her!  She's' a little long in the tooth for him though. She'd would have gone for Anderson Cooper, but Cher's nobody's beard and I don't know if you've noticed, but he's kind of a dork."

Hayes has not replied to the rumor about Cher's alleged crush.  When reached for comment, Hayes' MSNBC co-worker Chris Matthews told Unsolicited Drivel, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY CHER WOULDN'T CRUSH ON ME! I'M JUST AS LIBERAL AS SHE IS AND MY GENERATION IS MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT ON THEIR SPOUSE!!"

Also reached for comment, was one long-time pop music fan who stated, "If Cher wants to 'Turn Back Time' so to speak, if she succeeds could she please use those talon fingernails of hers to claw to death the person who invented AutoTune?"

1 comments so far :

Rachel said...

Too bad Cher doesn't pay for my team...

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