“American Idol” to Be Possibly Hosted by Holograms if There is a Next Season

Yawn.

Los Angeles – America’s supposed favorite whole note singing competition began last night with little fanfare and a new panel of judges on “American Idol.”

Most people who tuned in are rumored to have thought the following:

• Keith Urban is really hot, without the homophobia of a Blake Shelton, and if he can get Nicole Kidman’s face to move during sex, well more power to him.

• Mariah Carey is that singer with a voice like Whitney Houston!  So why hasn’t she married a complete parasite or overdosed yet?

• Nicki Minaj? I’m not as o'scared of her as the possibility of me being beaten to death with one of those old fashioned metal trash can lids in an alley as I would be in the case with M.I.A., so why is the show spending huge money for Mariah Carey’s extra security? And, is it just because Mariah can actually sing?

• And there's still that Randy guy who claims to be a Jackson. Where's his sequined glove?

• Plus, where the heck is J-Lo's butt? Not missing that creepy old lady though.  Stephen something?

Viewers were in total agreement that no one is also still missing Simon Cowell’s man-boobs either despite his talent for verbally disemboweling people who spent their entire life savings to get to the audition.

However,  we at Unsolicited Drivel have insider information, that in order to make the show relevant again, that all future episodes will be hosted by holograms of Tupac Shakur, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. Not surprisingly,  Kanye West has already has a HUGE problem with that.

(For Anna Karenina.)