All We Are Saying is Give Freaks A Chance

Los Angeles – Can Lady Gaga “un-suckify” Grammys?  That is the question on our mind today. Tonight the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences will host its annual show honoring extremely commercial achievements in the music industry, or The Grammy Awards, or "that show we haven’t been interested in since the advent of professionally engineered pop stars that might still be performing on subway station platforms or on Venice Beach without the advent of Auto-tune and public relations wunderkinds."  As per usual, Beyonce leads with 10 nominations, followed by Taylor Swift at 8, the Black-Eyed Peas at six and Lady Gaga at five.  And speaking of the dance electro pop princess/alien from outerspace/muppet impersonator, sadly, “she” will not be eligible for best new artist as one of her first singles from “The Fame” was nominated last year.  We are still hoping that she will breathe some much needed life into an awards ceremony whose highlight last year happened in a limousine outside before the show which we can only describe as “slaptastic.”  So, our biggest question is what will Lady G. wear?!!  We are thinking it would be too obvious if she looked like one of those critters from Avatar, but as they have made blue the color this season, we are guessing she will go with something like this lovely ensemble we have designed for her above.  Of course we’ll have to tune in just for that reason alone, but it’s going to be tough to hold our attention* as we assume it’s going to be Taylor Swift’s night, so we could just as easily get the same effect by watching her sweep her categories as by finally getting around to defrosting the vanilla ice cream from our freezer that we’ve been meaning to throw out since Taylor was a fetus.  Also, we are quite confident that the producers will probably have Kanye in a fur trimmed straight jacket custom designed by Urban Outfitters with grommet-edged cuffs so they can tie him to his seat so that cuts our viewing odds significantly. 

*Plus, the recently dead Rita from “Dexter” will be resurrected tonight as a stripper on “Desperate Housewives!”