Rock and Roll No Longer Cool

Springfield, VA – Rock and roll ceased to be cool earlier today, causing one woman to nearly faint in the international foods isle at the supermarket after hearing Pink Floyd emanating from the muzak PA system. Had her shock led to her to knocking over the featured display of Salsa Verde, the situation could have been even more traumatic. Especially if she took out the Blessed Mother candle display next to it too. Fortunately, she was able to right herself in time. You probably thought that rock and roll had already ceased to be cool back when everyone from Led Zeppelin to Iggy Popp started to sell out their songs as TV commercial jingles, but those artists’ bank accounts might disagree. Our dazed and confused shopper Lynne Johnston offered, “can you believe it? Granted, it was a track from ‘Dark Side of the Moon,’ and anybody who went to college in the last thirty-five years and ever had a hangover has heard it, but Pink Floyd at the Shoppers Food Storehouse? I mean it’s not like they’re the Beatles whose almost entire music catalog was deceptively sold out from under them to the highest bidder, right? Okay, so it wasn’t a twenty-minute cut like ‘Dogs’ from the ‘Animals’ album, but then again, who knows what they're playing at the Pet Paraphernalia across the street?   And speaking of pets, the only reason I went into that freakish supermarket to begin with is because the ethnic markets in my neighborhood always all smell so badly of cat pee, the aroma could knock a buzzard of a shit wagon.”