Thursday, May 20, 2010
If you are as old as I am, you might remember when not knowing the cost of a gallon of milk probably cost Lamar Alexander his chance to run for President? Wasn’t that touching? Well, I think it’s safe to say we won’t see Senator Ben Nelson running for higher office anytime soon.
The Nebraska Democrat had to confess to a major no-no this week in a country that’s in its worst recession ever. When asked if lawmakers should cap ATM fees, Nelson confessed he had never used an ATM, so he didn’t know what ATM fees were. Did I mention it was out of touch with reality week?
Maybe we can help him out.
An ATM is a machine that dispenses money, dear Senator – you know, that paper you guys keep printing all willy-nilly like? The free-standing ones, that are found outside of the banks, kind of look like R2D2, or a more low-budget droid from “Star Wars.” Not the Ronald Reagan kind of Star Wars - the movie. These ATMs are often found in convenience stores too, where you can find entirely too many people buying their fried chicken with something called a “Visa Card” instead of cash. You would also very likely find an ATM in the basement of the Senate building, provided you could find your way down there without a Sherpa at taxpayer' expense. You don’t need to be a computer programmer to use an ATM, but the extremely LARGE fees the “droid” ones charge is making Americans (unlike you) poor. $2 - $3 dollars may be something you wipe your ass with Senator, but when you consider how many bags of beans a hungry American can buy with that money, it’s quite considerable. And no, the beans are not magic. A Droid can also be a phone, but assuming you are using two Dixie Cups and a string instead, that’s a lecture for another day.
If you have any more questions, please contact Senator Tom Harkin (the guy who wants you to vote yay), and we will look forward to NOT seeing you in any Presidential primaries, anytime soon.