Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Cash Strapped Cage Still Center Stage

LAS VEGAS — The money problems just seem never ending for superstar action film hero Nicolas Cage lately.  In fact, a real estate broker in Las Vegas said that a mansion he purchased was foreclosed upon recently on the same day as the actor attended the closing of the sale.  The IRS claims the Oscar winner owes millions in back taxes and he has been forced to start to sell of many of his assets.  Cage has filed suit against his business manager for $20 million but we still have to wonder where the money went.  We asked some industry insiders and they reported Cage spent money on:

    •    Magic forest to build a dozen castles in
    •    Prepaid cryogenic head-freezing contract
    •    Jacuzzis in each home tiled with cobra teeth
    •    Four yachts with four accompanying Somali pirate ships for security
    •    Kryptonite reserves for when son Kal-El reaches his tween years and starts to act up
    •    In-house cartoonists to create custom comic books on demand
    •    A fleet of Silver Cloud Rolls Royces with actual floating silver clouds to fly above them
    •    A unicorn
    •    The Declaration of Independence (Hey, the U.S. has money problems too!)

Previously published.  We will return live on 7/19.

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