Pup Culture: Teetering About Getting a Teacup?

Los Angeles - California has more Chihuahuas than it can handle.  The shelters are overflowing due to the general public seeing the dogs French kissing bleach blond heiresses for paparazzi so often that the pooches have won the admiration of once and future star fuckers nationwide, prompting them to adopt them in droves only to give them up sooner than they change loyalties to whichever slag they had been stalking via the tabloids. Considering getting a teacup-sized pup but not yet sold? Our experts weigh in:




1. Vets remind us that small dogs are prone to conditions such as Boyfriendkickacrosstheroom Disease. While it’s treatable, the surgery costs can be quite high. Always ask your shelter for a health guarantee, and visit an overpriced doggie boutique right after adopting to purchase padded cashmere sweaters.

2. Don’t carry them everywhere. While seeing Fido’s glassy little eyes poke out of a Birkin may look cute, you actually could piss off your pooch by coddling it all the time. So, you might want to someday consider teaching him how to walk. And while a collar is a good idea, you shouldn’t make it like those spiky leather ones you might be inclined to wear yourself on the weekends. The extra weight of the metal studs could contribute to totally collapsing their tracheas, yet another condition the pups are susceptible to.

3. Feed them like you would any dog. Teeny dogs can and should chew dry food. They often have weak teeth, so gnawing on Tic Tacs from the bottom of your purse should help get the blood circulating in their gums. Try sugar free mint varieties to avoid gingivitis*.  Either way, you’ll still avoid doggie stink of death breath.

(*You would need to be an heir to a hotel chain to afford their periodontal root scalings.)

4. In terms of physical activity, you shouldn’t take the moniker “lap dog” seriously. Besides, true “lap dogs” actually hail from Lapland and therefore must have to run around a whole lot to keep from freezing their furry asses off.