Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Lindsay To Squeeze Some Serious Milk Out of E-Trade?

Occasional actress, failed fashion designer and part-time bi-sexual, Lindsay Lohan, has reportedly filed a $100 million lawsuit against the on-line financial trading company, E-Trade, over a TV ad.

In the supposedly offensive commercial, one baby is complaining to another regarding him hanging out with a “milkaholic” named Lindsay.

Lohan’s lawyer insists that Lindsay has the same single name recognition as hardworking celebrities do, like Madonna, Cher, and Oprah. Inside sources claim that in reality, unbeknownst to the public, Lohan’s part-time father/full-time fame-whore, Michael Lohan, actually copyrighted the name “Lindsay” while he was still in prison for drunk driving, so as to have a source of income upon his release, so that every time his daughter’s name was mentioned, be it on TV, or even in a Tweet, he would receive a royalty.  This explains how he is able to attract women to date him, despite his inclination to kick them in their lady parts.

This latest slap in the face comes to the former child star after recently receiving the ax from her short partnership with the fashion house, Ungaro. Perhaps she is running out of money for spray tan and ripped leggings, and that might be her motivation to file suit?

An employee at the law firm for E-Trade, speaking on condition of anonymity, offered this, “she’ll never win in a court of law.  We went back and forth with this and we stand firm that as long as we didn’t indicate there was any snorting of baby powder in the ad, we would legally be in the clear.”

Previously published.  We will return live on 7/19.

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